This weekend qualifies as one of the most ridiculous in my life. The following is a brief overview.

FRIDAY

5:00 p.m. Meet Ani and KJax for supper at The Pepper Mill. Delicious, expensive food. I try creme de brouille (?!) for the first time, and I am in dessert heaven. I order a baked cod fillet with a side of dressing, served with crisp veggies and fluffy mashed potatoes. Make eye contact with whom I believe to be the Russian billionaire currently visiting St. John’s on his million-dollar yacht. He keeps turning around to stare at me as he passes. Intense. He’s the one that got away.

7:00 p.m. Wait on the bus stop for 43839 years until I realize I want to get a cab. The same crazy lady wearing the platform boots yells at me: “Stay the fuck away from my goodies!” Like I needed any incentive.

7:30 p.m. I buckle up my seatbelt.

7:31 p.m. An SUV comes out of nowhere and slams into my cab, crushing the door opposite to me and completely tearing off the side mirror. I smack my head on the seat, and sit there quietly the whole time. I lack the panic gene. I don’t scream, curse, anything. Anyway, I’m not hurt because of my seatbelt.

Oh yeah, and I had to pay for the friggen cab ride home.

8:00 p.m. I haven’t showered in two days. MsWorld drags me out with her, and she won’t take no for an answer. I have no clean clothes. I need sleep. I have a pubcrawl the next morning. We go to the Breezeway.

9:00 p.m. Leave the Breezeway, shower, get drunk.

10:00 p.m. Arrive at a sketchy party, where there are about 30 boys plus MsWorld and I. The house is something out of a horror film. There’s an 18-wheeler parked in the driveway. The radiators are rusting. Someone says, “There’s Jews in here! Let’s kill ’em.” We leave.

Next morning… I awake early, find my friend Ani distressed and join her for dinner. I have about 3 hours to prepare for a pubcrawl. I come home, shower, get ready, try to clean my room, go to a BBQ, and proceed to get drunk for over 12 hours without stopping for supper. I literally drink more beer than I eat food.

I’ve never been on a pubcrawl before. We keep drink tallies but I stopcounting at 10. We sing karaoke, collect business cards from strangers, harrass bartenders constantly, and still manage to lose. The corporate leaders win. Mighty suspicious.

I leave my teammates abruptly at 9 for no apparent reason at all, come home to find all my roommates drinking and a random keg sitting in our kitchen. So I’m like, “Hey! Let’s drink!” And we do. Then I go downtown again, make out with a stranger, buy nachos at Mustang Sally’s with my friend B-Ho, and somehow end up at home.

Sunday Morning at 11 a.m. Girl Guide meeting. I have a problem.

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