My incredibly sweet and possibly delusional cousin, D-Man, gave me the nicest compliment I’ve had in weeks. Months. Years. We were discussing what he could do on a first date with a dame, and I suggested the movies, but then pointed out I’m not exactly experienced in the field. He said, “I don’t understand why not, you’re amazing. Guys must be intimidated.” Well obviously that’s the reason, not because of cellulite or the fact that guys are idiots.

 

I bought tickets to Cirque du Soleil’s Allegria show in June. So. Freakin’. Happy. Also, I get to pick out new eyeglasses tonight. I’m thinking I’ll pick out some Guess or Gucci glasses. Yeah. Perhaps the label will draw attention away from my face. 

I have a terrible headache from a coastguard ship’s horn honking for about ten minutes straight. It was outrageously loud, the kind of “WOOONNNNKKKKKKKKKK” that makes your ears bleed.

 

Co-worker #1: “Someone’s boat alarm is going off. Someone’s trying to steal that boat.”

Co-Worker #2: “Is this the noise that was heard before the Halifax Harbour blew up?”

 

Pay-day. Pay-day oh joy oh bliss I get to face my bills all over again. Repeat cycle every two weeks. I count the passage of time by receiving cheques.

Meet Frank. Today Frank is getting his balls chopped off. That's how the neuturing procedure happens, right?

Meet Frank. Today Frank is getting his balls chopped off. That's how the neuturing procedure happens, right?

 

 

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