This upcoming weekend I am participating in Memorial University’s Relay For Life fundraiser. Myself and nine others (some of whom are strangers) have joined forces to form one kick-ass Cancer hatin’ team: All Night For The Fight. Basically we camp out in the Fieldhouse and pull an all-nighter while at least one member of the team is circling the track at all times. So far I’ve raised $30. I’m awesome.

But you know what this means… a weekend sans alcohol. Frig. What will I do? Something productive? Maybe I’ll sit around in my underwear and scratch myself.

I think I have tested my immune system’s limit by drinking myself into oblivion, sleeping 10 hours in two days, and working/socializing around the clock. I forced myself to the gym after work today because y’know my new motto… exercise even if it kills ye. Flabby thighs and dimpled ass cheeks simply will not be tolerated in the Maya Rivieria.

But now I feel a familiar closing sensation on my throat and my stomach is gurgling adorably and for some reason I’ve had this insatiable hunger ALL DAY. Like I just ate two pieces of ice-cream cake and a big chunk of homemade bread dripping in butter and I am RAVENOUS. I want to eat my NIGHTSTAND but it belongs to Beer. I cannot afford to be sick right now amidst this crisis that is occurring at work.

New dog: Bailey the golden lab. He’s fat and lovable (but not with me). He whined all night when I was alone with him. I fed him and gave him water and tried to play with him and took him out for a walk…all to no avail. As soon as JagerBomb comes home, he goes all psycho-dog happy. Fuck even man’s best friend wants nothing to do with me, no wonder the opposite sex is repulsed.