So awhile ago, I messaged my cousin (from Mom’s side of the family) to ask when would be a good time to come visit the family in Ottawa.



My other cousin, from Dad’s side of the family, noticed this exchange (small town k, everyone is friends) and sent me a private message. Apparently her wedding is on the 10th of July, so all my crazy, rambunctious Aunts and Uncles from Dad’s family are gonna be there to celebrate. I was offered a place to stay.



Okay, first of all, let me just say that these people are nuts. Like light-your-panties-on-fire-and-run-around-in-the-snow nuts. These relatives of mine know how to party, and they have a reputation for doing so. Over the past few years, as I crossed over the threshold of adulthood, they welcomed me with open arms. I was introduced to a whole new level of drinking and dirty jokes.



Now, my main reason for visiting Ottawa is to see Mom’s family, since just about ALL of them live there and I rarely get to see them anymore. These people also know how to throw a great party and I anticipate them spoiling me rotten.



(I should note that my parents each have 12 brothers and sisters, thus resulting in 24928932892 cousins for me.)



To put this in perspective: A whole lot of drinking and dancing with two different crazy ass Newfie families in ONE WEEK. My Airmiles can pay the trip AND I’ll have a free place to stay plus food (at least I’m assuming).



How the fuck am I gonna turn that down?


AND Uncle D just got a new pool. A huge one.



AND my Birthday is July 9th! AND my boss pretty much approved it! Wahoo!

The only shitty deal about this whole arrangement is that, since I’m taking advanced vacation for Mexico, I will not quality for anymore vacation until NEXT July. I can’t even arrange a trip home. But honestly, when will this opportunity ever arise again?



You know what I look forward to the most while there? Living up to every fucking Newfie stereotype in the book. I’m going to curse like a sailor and drink like a fish. I’m going to talk with the dirtiest Newfie accent I can muster. And then, I’m going to seduce everybody. Yessssssss.






P.S. What’s the dealio with Mastercards having those new chips? They’re stupid. I don’t wanna use a pin.