I stole this quiz from Drunkard.com, because I have no original ideas of my own and I just really love this website. I think I should pitch a story idea to them.

 

Q: Do you drink to build self-confidence or because you are shy?

A: Yes, it’s the only way I can make out with strangers and/or get felt up.

 

Q: Is drinking making your home life unhappy?

A: The only reason that drinking is making my home life unhappy is because there is no place to store all the empties except under the stairs, which is beginning to fill up space quickly. I have lived in my new home for two weeks.

 

Q: Is drinking negatively affecting your reputation?

A: Possibly. My boss just approached me and said, “Mexico! Don’t drink the water…just beer.” I said, “Or tequila!” He said, “Well, that’s your business.”

 

Q: Have you ever felt regret after drinking?

A: No, I genuinely enjoy the lack of sleep, dry mouth, bad breath, headaches and possible nausea.

 

Q: Is drinking jeopardizing your job? Do you lose time from work due to drinking?

A: I’m doing this note at work. Yes. Slow day.

 

Q: Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?

A: I moved downtown to be closer to George Street, thus spending less money on cabs and more money on booze.  

 

Q: Does your drinking make you careless of your family’s welfare?

A: Possibly, I’ve had several house parties whereby things have become destroyed. I also nearly burned down the house once with the BBQ.

 

Q: Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?

A: Friday evenings, my body starts aching.

 

Q: Do you want a drink the next morning?

A: A virgin drink.

 

Q: Do you have trouble sleeping when drinking?

A: Yes, my weekend benders usually leave me with insomnia on Sunday evenings. I also find it hard to sleep with a hangover. However, I firmly believe this a problem attributed to my neurotic behaviour, and not alcohol.

 

Q: Do you drink to escape from worries?

A: I drink as a celebration of life – I am young, happy, and healthy. I have awesome friends. Life is good, cheers to that.

 

Q: Do you drink alone?

A: Yes, when I’m cleaning or stressed out or can’t sleep. Or watching a movie. Or eating supper, or barbecuing. Or anything.

 

Q: Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?

A: All the time, as in every weekend. I can barely recall at least 90% of my Fridays and Saturdays.

 

Results: Most definitely an alcoholic. Cheers.

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