How does one become successful in the blogosphere? What are the steps? Is there a handbook I’m missing? Step-by-step instructions with a pull-out map?

 

I need a fucking job in addition to my career. I can barely stay afloat. It has gotten so that I cannot sign into my online banking because I start hyperventilating, and stress causes me to eat unpredictable amounts of chocolate. I spend money and there’s barely any way to prevent myself from doing so. I mean, even tonight I had to go out for supper for a friend’s birthday. I can’t very well turn down a supper for a friend’s birthday. I mean, I’d be pissed if someone did that to me. So what I have to start doing is weeding out friends slowly, starting off by trimming the edges. Maybe block a few numbers in my cell phone, deleted contacts from my messenger. I’ll do it slowly with really legit excuses such as “my house just burned down” or “I have syphilis,” so that nobody suspects a thing and I won’t have to spend money anymore.

 

But then I guess I’d have nothing to blog about. And then what kind of meaning would my life have?

 

My hair smells like garlic and gourmet pizza. Great day.

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