I spent the better part of my evening applying wall decals to the wall over my bed. Now my room is all earthy and erotic. I dig it (get it, dig?). TOR and I downed a bottle of wine while we laboured and sweated through the decal process, and now I am one step closer to having a fabulous bedroom.

 

Because the wine matches the colour scheme

Because the wine matches the colour scheme

Ottawa, Day 2 (Wednesday) – The meeting of the ginger family

 

Avril took me out to shopping on Wednesday. I had successfully squirreled away about $400 for the sole purpose of shopping my little heart out, and so we headed to the Rideau Centre. Unfortunately, my issues with spending took over and all I managed to purchase was a pretty dress and a slutty shirt. Avril even took me to TWO OTHER malls and I was too frugal to purchase anything. I cursed and Avril cursed and we decided that only one person could save me: Aunt J. We’ll get to that story later.

 

We wandered through the market, stopping for sushi at a little restaurant by the street. Then Avril led me to Parliament Hill, where I observed Ottawa in all its glory. Ottawa has such a historical feel that it’s nearly pretentious. Scratch that – it’s completely pretentious – and I love it. The Parliament building is dominating, Chateau Laurier is breathtaking, and damn those guards in the silly hats are amusing. Not to mention the Unknown Soldier, oh boy!

 

Why are the children running away from me?

Why are the children running away from me?

Ottawa, where responsibility comes to die

Ottawa, where responsibility comes to die

 

I was thoroughly exhausted by the time we sampled some sharwarma, which is apparently a famous Ottawa “thing”. When we headed back to the house, I received an email from my marrying cousin informing me of a social gathering at her place.

 

So Avril and I drove out to Greely, which was an epic adventure in itself, considering we got lost about five times. But finally, finally, I found my redheaded relations, all gathered around the back deck, taking shots and telling offensive jokes. Home sweet home.

 

When everyone started dispersing, Avril and I drove my Aunt Martini and Aunt Sandy to their hotel (this was just after they loaded up their luggage with alcohol). They invited us into their incredibly swanky hotel room, where we tore open bags of chips, popped open bottles of wine, and downed beers (except Avril, poor girl, who played DD). My God, my Aunts are raunchy. We talked and talked for hours, and then Aunt Sandy changed into her white pyjamas with cartoon images of elephants having sex all over them. There is nothing more fulfilling than reviewing a list of sexual positions with one’s Aunts.

 

The gingers

The gingers

When we went outside for a smoke, we found ourselves locked outside…me positively loaded, Avril positively sober, and Aunt Sandy in her tight, see-through, offensive pyjamas. When the clock struck midnight, everyone sang Happy Birthday to me. By the time we drove back to Orleans, my belly was full and my heart happy. Incredible what a change of scenery will do for ya. And wine, of course.

 

**

 

Text Convo

 

Chef: Can we get drunk tomorrow night?

Me: Hmmm I’m kinda broke, but perrrrrhaps

Chef: That’s all I needed to hear. I know you’ll convince yourself the rest of the way by tomorrow.

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