I really enjoy the fact that it takes TWELVE HOURS for me to travel home within the same province, while flying halfway across Canada takes just an hour.

I haven’t been home since Christmas, which is fairly monumental. Everything feels the same, except the lush, green vegetation seems to be crowding out society,  Mom has taken down all my posters and photographs in my room, the walls are painted bright colours, my dog is dead, my grandmother lives at a senior care home two hours away, none of my friends live here, AND OH YEAH DID I MENTION I HATE CHANGE????!!!!!!!!

And just when I thought I could escape the pressure to keep up with my social life, Dad hands me three beers, and I down them like they are the magical elixirs of LIFE. Because…well, they are. And suddenly, I’m not so dispirited. Mom’s arms aren’t shockingly skinny, Lil Bro is completely normal, and I am NOT having a mid-life crisis. Uhhh huh.

I renewed my driver’s license on the way home, and it was a catastrophic event. I blinked TWICE when the flash went off, and the picture had to be retaken. So on the third attempt, I could barely stop giggling long enough to squish my face into a purse-lipped, squinty-eyed mash. The photographer paused hesitantly and said, “Well, that’s a bit better.” Except not only does my new license make me look like a constipated fatty, but my glasses are lopsided on my face and have they been that way the whole time???!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, I’m just gonna go to bed.