We finally got rid of the mountain of empty beer cases, whiskey bottles, flasks of vodka, tequila, rum, and bottles of wine. I’m volunteering with a unit of Rangers this year (15 year olds, mature, respectable girls of strong moral fibre and an alacrity for life), and so I wondered aloud to some of the leaders about whether we could have a bottle drive or not.


Apparently that sorta thing doesn’t work too well, but one of the leaders volunteered to pick up our empties.


“There are a lot,” I warned her. “I’m not kidding.”


I tried to make justifications for our alcoholism. Our house is the focal point of all our social activities! or we had a lot of visitors this summer!


The truth is, as Bob pointed out yesterday, the party usually tends to follow me wherever I move. The past three houses I’ve lived in have immediately become party-central upon arrival. I’d like to attribute this amazing feat to the fact that I’m fucking awesome, but the truth is, I’m just too lazy to go anywhere else.


Anyway, it took us about 20 minutes to load up the leader’s car, and in the end, it looked like this:


Notice the seatbelt strapped around the cases

Notice the seatbelt strapped around the cases

She collected a whopping $85 from our liquid investments. She asked if I wanted to use $60 of it for my registration fee, but I couldn’t do that in good conscience, knowing that it was a group effort.


When we went back to our perfectly clean, empty kitchen, we stared solemnly at the bare corner for a few moments (at least, TOR and I did…Chef assumed Swiffering duty).


“I feel sad,” said TOR.


And I did too, because the moment signified the real end of an amazing summer. An unreal summer of total shitfacedness, festivals, naked men sleeping on our futon, sexual exploitations, and even a few tears.


Fuck that.


Here’s to a new drinking era!



**In other news we have a real mouse problem in the house. I’ve bought two loaves of bread this past week, and twice those little brazen fuckers chewed their way through the bag and ate a slice or two before I even had a slice myself. No more mercy.

Also met a charming guy for a lunch date yesterday, which went well, despite the fact I was wearing incredibly huge Lasik sunglasses and NO MAKE-UP.