I find it funny that while I’ve been slowly removing my “angryredhead” identity from the Interwebs, I’m pretty angry about a topic that’s arisen lately. After reading this article on Brave New Traveler, it’s come to my attention that many non-drinkers are assholes.

Read the article. A lot of the information seems seriously flawed, like the fact that people who drink are less likely to be depressed or suffer from anxiety. I would assume most often, however, that these issues often drive a person to drinking.

But what pissed me off the most was the condescending, holier-than-thou commentary from the non-drinkers. More specifically, the people who abstain from booze because they chose to do so.

I love alcohol. I am a heavy drinker. Some days, all I need is a cold bottle of beer to set my nerves straight. And there is nothing, nothing more refreshing than sharing a pitcher of Molson with some good friends on the deck of a restaurant during the height of summer. People have different coping mechanisms. At least I’m not beating my children.

Waste of money? Depends on how you look at it. I enjoy spending money to go out with my friends, hang out at pubs, go dancing, and meet interesting people. Cute boys with dimples and firm bums. If that’s what I enjoy doing, then why is it a waste? My money is my business. I put in my hours as a good citizen, working with charities and doing local volunteer stunts. If I want to get hammered and unwind, who gives a shit?

Drinking has never interfered with my professional life. I openly share my drinking escapades with the Internet and my readers because never, ever has alcohol prevented me from getting my work done. In fact, during my second year of college, I went out at least three times a week, sometimes crawling into bed at 4 a.m and then heading to class at 8 a.m…and I made the honour roll. Again.

Yeah, some people are irresponsible and reckless. Some people cannot handle their booze. Some people drive their cars into fences, or worse, other people. But seriously, an incredibly large, global drinking community cannot be held responsible for the actions of some morons.

The thing is, I’ve never looked down on people who don’t drink. I’ve never had problems connecting with non-drinkers, unless you’re religious and you find my lack of morality offensive. If you’re able to go out and have a ridiculously awesome time without alcohol, good for you…very admirable quality indeed, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m a little envious. On the other hand shut the fuck up, because frankly, you’re a small minority and nobody wants an arrogant prick for a friend anyway. On that note, when drinkers make non-drinkers feel uncomfortable for not drinking, or try to force them to wrap their lips around a beer bottle, those people aren’t worthy of friendship either. Nine chances out of ten, they’re just teasing anyway and will forget all about it when they’re blitzed themselves.

I’m writing this because some of those comments made me feel guilty about being a drinker. I’m well aware of the fact that I’ve done some pretty stupid things while drunk, but I’m on a mission to bare myself honestly to the world and I’m not going to mask my life for anyone. The way I look at it, everybody needs a good hangover day every now and then to appreciate the rest of the week. Everyone should wake up at least once a month with a searing headache, a mouth that tastes like an ashtray, and an enormous amount of shame, just to put things in perspective. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your ridiculous friends. Laugh at the random guy’s number in your phone. Laugh about how you get laid more than non-drinkers.

Most importantly, laugh at this photo:

See? New friend!

See? New friend!