Due to some incredibly amazing awesome outstanding fabulous opportunities that have come my way this past week or so, it appears as though my social life will be put on hiatus indefinitely. I will not elaborate at the moment but I can assure you that this thing called life is effing great. Unfortunately, I’ve lost all feeling in my ass from sitting here for about 12 hours per day. Secretary butt, I think it’s called. Did I mention I can now flex my glutes to the tune of a song? It’s a new party favour of mine.
And with respect to my newfound responsibilities, lack of social life and the decision to cut men out of my life entirely, the following is now my idea of foreplay: