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Did I mention that I’ve been watering the humungous fake tree at work? Yep, it’s happened. Cubemate was transferred to the IOT for a few months, so she’s reminded me twice to water the plants. The second time around, I was watering the giant tree when I realized it looked kinda…well, rubbery. I bolted before anyone could see me and messaged CM, asking her if the tree was fake.

It is.

I then messaged my coworker who sits directly beside the tree and told him what had happened. The loud laughter of all the engineers was all I heard for about ten minutes.

Fortunately, I’ve redeemed myself at last week’s Christmas party. My lord, what a bunch! CM invited us all to her house, and her fiance invited his coworkers as well. My coworkers and I overtook the kitchen, shot jello shooters, made a giant bowl of pink punch, and proceeded to get hammered. My belt, cleverly stuck together with SCOTCH TAPE quickly became my second downfall.

At one point, someone smashed a bottle of Jameson whiskey on the floor. The boys got down on their knees and soaked everything up, and then wrung it out into a glass.

Someone drank it. There’s no surprise why they hired me anymore.

BOXHEAD is not impressed!

So I’ve discovered the downfall of living in downtown St. John’s. Holy fuckery. It’s taken two days for the city to “clean up” winter’s epic dump all over the place. I use the phrase “clean up” loosely, as the sidewalks are still unploughed and the roads are still sloppy. Walking to work yesterday was intense…I literally have to navigate sideways down THREE HILLS, and not just gentle slopes either…nope, these are badass 90-degree slopes, people. Any steeper and I’d be free-falling.

These “minor” inconveniences would be okay if drivers in St. John’s weren’t such fucking assholes. I’m actually getting angrier by the minute as I write this, I’m so fed up. I have absolutely NO CHOICE but to walk in the middle of the main road at times, because the sidewalks aren’t cleared and I need to get to the other side. However, drivers think us lowly pedestrians are just trying to piss them off, and so they speed up on icy roads, splash us, and generally just don’t give a fuck.

Yesterday, when I was making the last stretch uphill, I was walking in the middle because it was the only place I could find some traction. I heard a car coming behind me, bass blaring and all, and I assumed I had time to move aside. That motherfucker sped up, tires squealing, and forced me to jump into a snowbank.


Thank you all for checking out my new site, by the way. I’m so in love with it, I can’t wait for this one to go live. So many new people to add to my blogroll. I like how Candice Does the World reaches out to a new audience as well…daily, I’m finding new people commenting on my site, or leaving messages on Twitter saying how much they enjoy my blog. Feels absolutely amazing.

When I win the lottery, I’m flying ya’ll up here for one big party!

In the far left corner is Signal Hill. If you squint really, really'll see it

In the far left corner is Signal Hill. If you squint really, really'll see it

Dis 'ere boat is big sure
Dis ‘ere boat is big sure

The view from my office window. Signal Hill is entirely invisible, as are The Narrows. As a way of keeping employees at work, my company ordered six pizzas for dinner. It worked. Like I’d ventured outside in this hellish nightmare anyway… maybe I’ll sleep underneath my desk tonight, with the elevator ghost. This building used to be one huge club, apparently. The elevator is now haunted by the ghost of a person who took a heart attack inside. Seriously, we’ve joked about the elevator for months before knowing its history. One of my coworkers was inside once when the phone rang. She didn’t answer it for fear that it was the Matrix.

Gee, I can hardly wait to stand on the bus stop while being pelted with freezing rain and snow and most likely having to wait an extra hour or two for the damned thing to arrive because the system here is crap. I’ll most likely get carried away by the wind anyway. I’ll get deposited in a tree somewhere and will be picking pine needles out of my ass for weeks.

The boys attempted to bathe Frank last night. They absolutely adore the dog, he’s tough as nails. They play rough with him, feed him raw meat, and encourage him to hump females. It took three of them to keep the animal in the tub, but at least he doesn’t smell like rancid ass anymore.

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